Here’s Why This Question Doesn’t Matter.

Redefining Success: It’s Not About Who You Date or Married To, It’s About Who You Are 

Ugh, that question – So, are you seeing anyone.  It hangs over your head like a judgment, focusing on your relationship status instead of your amazing life you are living.  But hold up now!  Your love life doesn’t define your worth. 

Society loves to paint this picture-perfect fairytale: the white picket fence, the perfect marriage, the 2.5 kids.  Blah blah blah.  What if you could redefine success on your own terms?

Because really, true success to me is about what truly matters to YOU.  It’s about your core values and who you are. If you want the picture-perfect fairytale I think that’s great and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s what I thought I wanted, but here’s what I learned about what success really means.

True success to me is about living YOUR truth.  It’s about being you, unapologetically and boldly.  It’s about doing things that scare you, building a life you love, and designing it from your heart.  Success is about you living a life that is defined by your own definition of fulfillment.

Guess what? You are so worthy to have whatever you want in live including love, but I believe the most important part for you to know is that you deserve love and it first starts with loving yourself.

I’ve been there.  I was married at 27, I had it all – or at least that’s what I thought success was at that time: having it all and following the status quo.  But it actually left me feeling empty, lost, and incomplete.

When my old supposedly perfect but not so perfect life fell apart, it forced me to confront myself and the truth: I wasn’t living a life designed by me, or one that I loved.  Now, don’t get my wrong I was very happy for a while, but life happens to us all, right? I was angry at first when it all fell apart, however, today I am happy that it did crash. When I hit rock bottom it made me face my identity questioning everything I thought I knew about myself and my life. My identity crisis led me to go on this beautiful journey of self discovery. 

During my period of self discovery it has made me ask the tough questions I was avoiding: Who am I?  What do I really want?  How do I want to live my life?  Who do I want to be?  What truly matters? 

This was when I realized that now, it’s time to redefine what success actually means to me.  Today, I look at success as starting with being true to yourself, being authentic, vulnerable and doing the hard stuff. Facing the truths in front of you and learning how to go after what really matters to you and only you.  It’s about creating a life that makes YOU happy, doing the things that bring you fulfillment, and pursuing your purpose and passions like nobody is watching. It’s about challenging yourself, stepping outside your comfort zone, and living a life that’s defined by you based on your core values. I know for me my core values have changed and I have new ones that only matter to me.

There’s so much pressure to follow the norm these days. But here’s the truth:  It’s okay if you don’t!  Your worth is certainly not defined by your relationship status.  It’s not defined by a ring on your finger or a white picket fence.  It’s not defined by having what seems to be perfect on the outside or on paper.

Your worth comes from who you are.  I imagine if you are reading this then you are strong, independent, and deserve a partnership that celebrates YOU for who you are, not one that makes you feel guilty for being independent and successful.

You don’t NEED anyone to be happy or make you happy.  That’s a hard truth to confront, but it’s true.  When you’re ready to break free from the pressure of following the crowd and define success on your own terms, that’s when the magic happens.

Here’s what I suggest to begin defining success on your own terms:

• Identify your core values. Ask yourself what truly matters to you. Do you crave travel and adventure? Are you passionate about chasing your career goals? Whatever it is, figuring this out is the foundation for building a fulfilling life defined by YOU.

• Enjoy your journey. The twists and turns, the ups and downs, they all lead you to where you are right now. There’s so much growth and potential in your journey, so learn to love it all – the ups, the downs, the messy and beautiful parts.

• Don’t settle. You deserve a partner who loves and respects you for you, period. Don’t settle for anything less.

What does success look like for YOU? Forget about the pressure from any family or friends and focus on your own definition.  Learn to be comfortable in your own skin, learn to be who you are, and own it.  Whether you’re single or not, once you accept all of that, you realize that you are enough, just as you are.  And there’s nothing you need to change unless you really want to change because you know that you are just not the best version of yourself right now.  True success has nothing to do with who you date or married to and everything to do with who you are.  You are in control of defining your own definition of success. Period.

Now, can you answer what does success look like for you? My hope is that you can answer this question today or someday soon. Just make sure it’s defined by you.